Roles in the Bullying Cycle – The Bully

The Bully. The word ‘Bully’ (Boele) was originally used in 1530, it was a Dutch word that meant sweetheart! (Oxford Dictionaries.)

Who is a Bully and why?

A bully is an aggressor who shows that aggression repeatedly, either physically, verbally, electronically or socially. They bully when they perceive there to be a power imbalance and they have the upper hand. Often a bully has previously bullied themselves and uses bullying as a way to distract previous bullies, who now view them as ‘strong.’

Bullies need to dominate and are often impulsive and aggressive. Up to 1/3 come from dysfunctional families (Rigby 1993)

Why do they do it?

i.    As mentioned above – sometimes to escape their tormentors.

ii.   For ‘fun.’

iii. To get even.

iv.  To show how tough they are.

v.   To just annoy others.

vi.  To get money or things

Remember:                                                                                                                     

The bully doesn’t’ generally like to fight, they like to DOMINATE.

The bully is only as strong as the victim allows him to be.

 

 

 

What I Love Most About My Job

There are always questions we are asked as authors. “What do you love most, what do you hate most and do you make lots of money?”

What do I love most about my job?                                                                            Easy – meeting the kids and doing workshops with them, whether talking about ‘Not littering’ and how we can save our planet or how to protect themselves from bullying to looking at those with disabilities. It’s the energy they give off, it is positively infectious.        Second to that is when they receive a book and start reading it straight away or colouring in the pages – I just love it.

Recently I have been out to several schools and here are some pics I can show.

What do I hate?                                                                                                                      Oh my goodness, the writer’s edit. I absolutely hate it with a passion.

Do we make lots of money?                                                                                            If your name is JK Rowling then yes, if it’s Jann Weeratunga then definitely no ha,ha,ha. But maybe one day.

 

 

It’s all about the Words

I recently visited Heerengracht Primary School in Eldorado Park.

The 6th graders were enthusiastic when we discussed the 5W’s +H and SPIDER DIAGRAMS (sometimes referred to as mind maps, though I think they look more like a spider in its web.) I use this system for every new book I write as well.

So, we created a spider diagram and then an imaginary story. After seeing their enthusiasm I decided to offer one of my books for the best story they could come up with. Needless to say, I was flooded with entries which I am now reading.

So, what are the criteria I am looking for? Well, I decided not spelling, punctuation or grammar. WHAT? I hear you all cry. No, the exercise was about encouraging writing, and if we only judge a piece of writing by those criteria, many children will be put off before they have really even started. No, I was interested in what they had to say. All of the rest can come as they get older and hone their writing skills, but initially, it is just all about the words.

Children’s authors out there, if you get the chance to do this, please do. It is amazingly rewarding and gives such a lift and support to teachers. I hope to finish reading and judging the stories this forthcoming weekend and will be presenting prizes soon, so watch this space!

Oh, and some even included their spider diagrams – LOVE IT WHEN THEY ACTUALLY LISTEN AND LEARN SOMETHING – HAPPY, HAPPY AUTHOR HERE.

The Title image shows some of the many stories.

 

 “Give me a child until he is seven and I will show you the man.”

“Give me a child until he is seven and I will show you the man.”

That famous saying is attributed to St. Ignatius Loyola of the Jesuit Order and also to Aristotle, but I know it from a series of documentaries started in the 60’s (then called 7 UP) that follows a group of British children, from a cross-section of backgrounds, from the age of 7 – 56 years old, looking at their lives every 7 years.

For those who may wish to watch the series.

I watched up to 42, though it now continues as a series, however, it’s true meaning only really became apparent to me yesterday. Sort of “Hit me with a wet kipper,” reality, rather than the ‘Yes, it was part of my Sociology Course at Uni,” reality where everything is a theory, but not, if you follow?

In a nutshell, it showed that the environment, surroundings, experiences and education that a child receives in their formative/primary years, shape who they will become in later life – where they are likely to live, who they are likely to marry and the type of job they are likely to get.

And before you all jump and say, but so and so married a prince etc, etc.. I acknowledge there is always the exception to the rule.

Generally, though, it is true to say that where we live and the people we socialise with, are the greatest influences in our lives. If all we see are the streets of Colombo and our parent begging and possibly sleeping on those same streets at night, that too becomes our life and the realm of our experiences.

Why am I talking about this?

As a young Scout Leader in West London, I chose to start a Scout Troop on a municipal/council dump. We were known as the ‘Dump Kids.’ Initially, some kids from very middle-class homes followed me to this area and THAT CHANGED THE LIVES OF ALL THE NEW KIDS WHO JOINED! Why?

Well, their home and school experiences were different from those of the children living on the council estate that fed the area for my future troop as well as the local schools. I remember visiting the home of one parent, she was married, 21 years-old and with 5 kids, yes 5! The floor when I entered was ‘literally’ moving, there were unwashed dishes in the sink and kids with grubby faces. What there wasn’t was a single book, comic or magazine anywhere. I was shocked, the home I had grown up in had books everywhere, as did the homes of the kids who came with me. As I left the tenement (a double storied house on top of a house block) a TV came hurtling down from the upstairs home and smashed onto the pavement near to where I had parked my vehicle. (Needless to say, I parked away from the building and appointed a ‘lookout’ for my vehicle as a work colleague had parked in the same spot, gone off to measure up some roads for repairs and returned to find his car jacked up on bricks and the wheels all removed.)

The kids from better housing had access to books, better schools, field trips to museums, theatres, sporting holidays and trips overseas because their parents could afford them, these keys opened the doors to a much wider variety of experiences to learn and draw from than their ‘Council Estate’ ‘cousins.’

Now I think you may see where I am coming from.

Here, in South Africa, we have classes in government schools with 40-50 learners, few libraries and often no toilets, especially in rural schools. If we do not provide the very basics necessary for a decent education, how can children break away from the social bondage that traps them into a continued world of poverty? How can we aid in the improvement for learners to reach their full capacity, rather than clipping their wings from the start?

We expect our school learners to like and understand Shakespeare, but he speaks a different language to English as a first language speakers, let alone those for whom English is not their first language. Yet, we expect them to be able to write exams with perfect spelling, grammar and punctuation, be able to create fantastic stories. conjure up amazing characters.

I have realised, that if all you have in life is a poor home and school and maybe gang life in that environment and school, then that is all you have to reflect on. This will come out in your language, writing (if you are lucky enough to go to school) and attitude towards those surroundings as well as the rest of the world, your world.

How can we break free of this cycle? Have a child at 7 who becomes an astronaught, scientist, owns his own plumbing company etc. at 42?

We need schools, not with tablets and computers which are being stolen every day (129 Government Schools were broken into across Christmas 2018 in Johannesburg and computers and equipment stolen.) No, schools with small classes and brilliant teachers who can excite the minds of their charges, spark their imaginations, help create their dreams and set them on new and varied pathways for life.

We need libraries, where, not only books can be borrowed (btw every day, hundreds of books are stolen from libraries in South Africa.) but where there is also someone who can teach those who cannot read, or just listen to a those who can show interest and encouragement.

We need social programs that provide experiences other than TV programmes, where learners get to hear, touch, smell and see environments outside their own. (For years I have been advocating for student exchange programmes where at least those in 2nd year Uni can exchange for a year and live in another country.) Scouting does this on a small scale with their ‘Home hospitality’ programmes, where scout gets to stay with a scout from another country, go to school with them, live with them. But it comes with a cost. So too does crime. So do we lock the door after the horse has bolted or lead them to water? Can we afford not to widen the experiences of all children?

As an author, I try to create books that spark children’s imaginations, characters from different parts of the world with their own unique characteristics, tropical lands, lands of snow and ice, friendships, disabilities, bullying. I base my stories around pirates and birds, the latter, which I have as puppets and take with me on school trips.

I try to visit a wide range of schools, where I chat with the learners about how we (Authors) write, what goes into producing a book from pen to the market place, BUT most importantly that an author is a REAL person. Books don’t just materialise, someone writes them, and that they too can write a story. However, I am, ever conscious that their world restrains them, so the responsibility to write even more exciting stories to spark their imaginations rests with my Author colleagues and myself. We must become their world, create an imaginary world for them to escape to, use our words wisely to increase their virtual world, even if we cannot improve their physical one.

Education, reading, enthusiastic teachers, libraries, school visits, exchange programmes are all keys to better prospects, plus our stories, how we spark their imaginations and the values we portray through our characters.

Give me a child until he is seven, help me change his world and I will show you the man who can become anything he wishes.

 

Heerengracht Primary School

I recently had the pleasure of visiting Heerengracht Primary School in Eldorado Park, where Mrs Eden Daniels is the head.

Oh my gosh! What an amazing school.  From my first encounter with the security guard who was efficient, helpful and polite; to meeting with Mrs Daniels herself, who has energy enough for two people.

The grounds were spotless, children curious yet polite and very well mannered, and the general appearance, very inviting. I immediately felt at home.

I asked if they would like the Schools Reading Roadshow to visit.

“What is the SRRS?”                                             

Well, we are a group of authors visit Primary Schools, chat to pupils about our books and being an author and the fact that books don’t just materialise but are written by ‘real’ people. Plus, we deliver workshops on eg. anti-bullying, littering, living on a farm, travelling across Africa.

Mrs Daniels also showed me her School library which had been recently donated and to which the SRRS hope to add a few more books.

Plus, for one lucky grade 6 pupil, I am awarding a free book for the best-written story, which I will be collecting soon. I can’t wait to see these and am very excited to return to Heerengracht Primary.

If your school would like a visit, do get in contact.

 

A Little Time Off was Good for the Soul

I decided to take a month off over Christmas.

Why?

Well. We write that’s the easy part. Then we do the writers first edit – not so easy.

Then we collaborate with a whole bunch of people:  illustrators, cover artists, proofreaders, editors, printers, and that’s just to get our books into print.

Then the really hard part comes along that takes up 90% of this Indie author’s time – the marketing! So, I decided to stop, stop everything and take a break.

Image may contain: one or more people, people sitting, grass, child, table and outdoor

And it worked. I spent the whole Christmas Season with people I wanted to be with, doing things I loved and wanted to do. I relaxed at home with my fur babies and now feel refreshed, and finally keen to get going again. I have a new kid’s book at my fingertips and today started writing again.

What this break taught me is I have decided to concentrate on writing this year and see what comes along – a bit like what I was doing here – watching and waiting to see what came along, the results were both rewarding and awesome – hippos, fishing eagles, rhino, buck, zebra, but most of all peace of mind.

So whatever you decide to do this year play to your strengths and do what makes you happy.

(Thanks for the pics Christy Filen)

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Sharing Our Advent Calendar 5th-7th Dec 2018

Sharing our Advent Calendar Continued…

So here are the next 3 days… enjoy

CHRISTMAS – THAT MAGIC BLANKET THAT WRAPS ITSELF ABOUT US, THAT SOMETHING SO INTANGIBLE THAT IT, IS LIKE A FRAGRANCE. IT MAY WEAVE A SPELL OF NOSTALGIA. CHRISTMAS MAY BE A DAY OF FEASTING OR PRAYER, BUT ALWAYS IT WILL BE OF REMEMBRANCE

MY WISH FOR YOU THIS CHRISTMAS IS THAT SANTA BRINGS YOU THE GIFT OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS.

A SILENT NIGHT, THE STAR ABOVE,                                                                   A BLESSING OF HOPE AND CHRISTMAS LOVE,                                  THE PATTER OF REINDEER’S FEET,                                                           NOW OUR HOME IS COMPLETE

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Beat the Bully

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